Narcissists have an insatiable appetite for fuel, so no matter what you do for them, it will never, ever, be enough. And when that starts to happen, they become angry and disappointed that you’re not living up to their ridiculous and totally unattainable standards.
I'm reminded of Narcissists every time I head the song, "Never Enough' from 'The Greatest Showman' Movie. The chorus could have been written for a Narcissist (although it wasn't, that I know of):
All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the nightsky
Will never be enough
Never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little
These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough
Never be enough
Never, for me
That’s why they start devaluing you. They will criticize absolutely every single thing about you that they possibly can. You don’t dress properly. Your hair’s wrong. Your make-up is wrong. They don’t like that perfume. Your Jewellery is tacky (even if it isn’t). If you wear something beautiful that they gave you, they’ll tell you that it was a mistake to ever buy you that because you don’t deserve it.
They will criticize your household skills, cooking, parenting, social skills, and make you feel lacking in every department. They’ll even criticize you as a lover, and then withdraw sex and affection. You can never do right anymore. You can drive yourself completely nuts trying to anticipate their moods, but no matter what you do, say, or try, it will never be enough. You simply cannot win.
If you have Narcissistic parents, nothing you do for them will even be enough either. They will use and abuse you and treat you as if you only exist to please them. The give you no credit for your achievements, they try to bulldoze their way through your life, refuse to allow you to make your own decisions, and generally make your life a misery. 'Divorcing' your parents may not be easy, but sometimes, you have no choice if you want to live your life on your terms. See also my blog 'Should you 'Divorce' your Mother? Actually, if she's a Narcissist, you should.
You'll get over your guilt by learning the truth of what the Narcissist really is, and knowing that you are in NO way to blame. You could not have been nicer, better, yada yada, because for a Narcissist, nothing is ever enough, ever. No matter what you do, how hard you try, how much you compromise, it's never, ever enough.
Sever the ties that bind and plan your exit strategy (in the utmost secrecy), and get out. You sanity depends on it. Which is why you need to wake up to this harsh reality and get out of the relationship. You ARE enough. They are the ones who are totally screwed up and they will never, ever stop trying to hurt you. Even when you leave, which is why those who know better are always advising you to go No Contact. This is the only way you can hurt them, and make your life normal again.
So STOP right now, thinking that it's your fault or you're to blame, because trust me on this, and I KNOW, it's not, and you're not. Lose the guilt and stand up for yourself. Decide that you ARE enough, and they are NOT.
Learn as much as you can, as quickly as you can, and the scales will start falling from your eyes. It's THEIR fault and if your ex is already with their next victim it won't be long before you'll feel sorry for that victim because they are going to put her/him through the same hell as they put you through. And you wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy. I have yet to hear anyone say that they would.
Their new victim will never be enough either, no matter how many loving accolades and pictures they are posting on Facebook or other Social Media (and by the way, you should NOT be looking! Block them!) No one ever will be. So please take my advice and take these steps, and start focusing on self-care and self-love. You're LUCKY that they are out of your life for the moment, but also be warned... this is not necessarily the end, because Narcs are known for 'Hoovering', so they'll try to get you back at some point. Guaranteed. You need to be prepared for that. Don't fall for it. They do these terrible things because that's how they are wired. They are warped. Not normal, and they chose you because you're probably a Sensitive or an Empath, or at they very least, a kind, decent, caring person. They are adept at spotting your vulnerabilities. Please believe that you can reclaim your self-worth and get YOU back. Because you can, but only YOU can make that decision.
What's your experience of never being 'enough' for a Narcissist?
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If a Narcissist is ruining your life, you might want to join my closed Facebook Groups (one for men, one for women), check out my contacts page here.